I thought a lot about life for some time. Gosh, life?
I mean, I thought about what I was currently doing as my job, I thought about how long I would work in that place, I also thought about what vision I had at this time when I decided to attend staff orientation in the middle of this year?
Err, not planning to go further with that, okay, it’s a quite serious topic.
I also think a lot more about people. I just realised I had lost a lot of relationships in my 25. Some of the best friends I had in the past, have really been beyond reach. Some of the people I used to fight for, I have to give up now because in fact, I’m not strong enough to hold them. I had too much to handle right now until I finally had to let go of a few, or maybe this is just…the right time to do so. I used to insist on keeping everything in my hands and the idea of giving them up was a bad thing back then. However, for some reason that kind of thing no longer exists. I begin to accept it.
Maybe my thoughts about these people have taken up more portions in recent days. For example, I no longer have excessive sadness when I see some old friends upload their photos or videos about their lives right now. Though they are the ones who have filled my days with happiness since my elementary days, middle school, high school, and even college days, I’m fine. Before getting to this point, I had several times found myself saddened by the reality that this friendship wouldn’t last long. Not because I don’t love them anymore, but sometimes I feel they also can’t stand this friendship with me. I don’t know of any factors, but that’s the reality I saw. I hope I wasn’t assuming.
I’ve heard people say, the older we get, the smaller our circle of friends. Whether it’s true or not, it looks like it’s going to happen to me, at this perfect now. As someone who struggles to be sincere in any friendship, I initially insisted on rejecting that saying, even though over time, the words sounded even more real. Because it turns out, friendship, a deeper one, demands the same commitment and totality from both parties. If I say I am a friend of someone, I need to think again, do I commit? A question rises then, what standard is used to define whether I am a committed friend or not?
I choose the Bible among many standards that this world has to offer. I could choose other books, but I believe the Bible will explain it more fundamentally to me. Of course. The Bible is the authority that determines all standards in my life. One of the things the Bible says about being a friend is “a friend loves at all times”.
From this point I thought, “have I become a friend who loves at all times?” and if yes, “to whom do I give that love?” These two questions helped me to see whether I was a friend of someone or a handful of people. Then I thought about the next question, “who are the people who love me at all times?”, because hey, they are my friends. Hi, guys-I-have-in-mind!
I am not sad and I won’t be, if I find the fact that only a few people have the same commitment as me about this friendship thingy. Still going to thank God that I have them anyway. They are my literally “through thick and thin” friends. Time reveals.
So, it’s okay to have smaller (s)inner-circle, it’s okay, we’re just human who are too limited to be true. It’s okay to choose the ones you want to keep; make sure to keep those who sharpen you. It’s okay to lose some (not-really-our) friends–in the light of this context–it is really okay. The best we can do is, to love at all times those we choose to be our friends.
Phew, I’m relieved.