Pilek, Air Mata, dan Iman

Dari sekian banyak doa yang dijawab Tuhan dengan “ya”, doa kemarin malam adalah salah satu yang sangat mengharukan bagi saya. 

Sejak Kamis pagi saya kena flu. Pilek disertai air mata. Saya ngga tau apa kalian pernah mengalami ini/engga, tetapi saya selalu mengalami jenis ini setiap kali flu. Saya sedih sekali karena flu ini bikin saya capek. Ingus saya keluar, mengalir begitu santainya setiap 10 detik sekali. Bahkan saya pun sering ngga sadar, ternyata sudah ada ingus yang keluar. Ditambah, air mata saya pasti ikut juga keluar. Mata saya betul-betul berair dan sayu sekali. 

Saya juga takut flu ini akan berlangsung berminggu-minggu, mengingat yang sebelumnya berlangsung hampir 2 minggu. Kenapa takut? Minggu depan saya ada pelayanan sebagai pemimpin pujian. Saya sudah paham nggak enaknya memimpin pujian dengan kondisi seperti ini karena sebelumnya saya pernah mengalaminya. Suara saya sangat lemah, tenggorokan meradang, serta sakit kepala. 

Saya coba obati dengan minum air hangat selalu ditambah madu dan perasan jeruk nipis. Kali aja cepet sembuh. Tapi, Jumatnya malah makin parah. Saya hampir menyerah saja dan menunggu penyakit ini sembuh dengan sendirinya (katanya sih ini jenis penyakit yang bisa sembuh dengan sendirinya). 

Namun di Jumat malam, saya ingat bahwa saya hampir saja tidur dengan kondisi stress karena sakit ini dan tidak berdoa. Anehnya, suara Tuhan lebih kuat daripada suara setan pada waktu itu, sehingga saya meyakinkan diri untuk bangun dan berdoa. 

Saya mulai melipat tangan, menutup mata, dan mengumpulkan semangat saya. 

“Tuhan, aku tau ada kemungkinan pilek ini bertambah parah besok pagi dan ini akan membuat persiapan pelayanan serta aktivitasku lainnya tetap terganggu. Tapi aku juga tau bahwa lebih besar lagi kemungkinan pilekku akan sembuh besok pagi. Karena Tuhan bahkan sanggup menjadikan apa yang nggak mungkin. Aku bersyukur Tuhan izinkan pilek ini datang saat ini agar aku ingat untuk berserah pada Tuhan. Aku tau, bukan karena kesehatanku semata, aku melayani. Karena dalam sekejap pun, Tuhan bisa ambil itu, kalau Tuhan mau. Namun Tuhan menginginkan hati yang berserah dan mengandalkan Tuhan, untuk Tuhan pakai melayani sesuai kehendak Tuhan. Karena itu Tuhan, jika Tuhan berkenan, sembuhkanlah aku besok pagi. Amin”

Kira-kira begitulah yang saya doakan, lalu saya tidur. 

Tadi pagi, saya bangun dengan kondisi…sembuh. Tidak ada lagi ingus yang mengalir seperti sungai dan air mata yang seperti hujan. Mereka telah mengering! Kondisi yang benar-benar 180 derajat berbeda dari sehari (bahkan beberapa jam) sebelumnya. Ini bikin saya mau nangis :”) Tapi saya tahan, ntar pilek lagi. 

*ceritanya, sehari sebelum pilek, saya habis nangis parah gitu karena suatu hal

Saya bersyukur sekali. Pilek ini justru mengajarkan saya tentang iman dan bagaimana hubungan rohani seorang anak dengan Bapanya yang begitu transparan untuk hal se…ngga-banget pilek. Saya senang.

Saya jadi makin yakin bahwa Tuhan pun sanggup mengadakan kesembuhan-kesembuhan (khususnya) rohani bagi setiap hati yang terluka atau pun sedang merasa jauh dari Tuhan. Saya makin yakin bahwa minggu depan Tuhan BISA berbicara secara pribadi kepada setiap jemaat yang hadir di pelayanan saya. Tuhan BISA mendengar dan menjawab doa mereka, yang mungkin lebih “bermutu” daripada pilek. Saya makin yakin bahwa:

Bukan karena siapa yang melayani, yang terutama.

Bukan karena pakai apa mereka melayani, yang terutama.

Bukan karena sekompleks apa aransemen musik mereka, yang terutama.

Bukan karena seindah apa kata-kata mereka, yang terutama. 

Tapi kalau ada hati yang dipulihkan dan Tuhan yang dimuliakan, itu karena siapa yang memanggil dan apa yang dapat Dia kerjakan untuk menggenapi rencana-Nya, itu yang terutama. 

Di sanalah letak iman kita. 

Segala pujian bagi Tuhan. 

Day 30: Commitment to Self

This is the last day of my tempting 30-day challenge and I promise I will save the best for last. I know I failed to post it daily, but thank God, I acknowledge my ‘limit’ now. But, these past 30 days have taught me much about commitment.

I won’t commit to something without really thinking about it. 

I am actually scared of being committed, but commitment is what helps people grow too, so I learn to make some and try to stay committed.

As a reminder to myself, I write them down here:

  1. I commit to keep my relationship with God faithfully. I commit to Saat Teduh in the morning before doing my make-up. I commit like this to prevent me from being so focused with my outer appearence and forget that the true beauty lies within me on how my heart connects with its Creator. I commit to start my morning routine with a prayer, not only for myself, but for others. I know that Satan always tries to disturb me and change my focus, but now, beware, my eyes on God. I commit to end my day with a prayer too, to simply give thanks to God and lay my night upon Him and His angels.
  2. I commit to keep my relationship with Gohan faithfully. Ah, I already smile. :’) I commit to stop thinking about my past yet keep the lessons near my heart. I commit to love him with the love of God. I commit to fight for a peaceful relationship with him. I commit to pray for him every single day to tell God how I want Him to protect him, to tell God how I love him, how grateful I am now. I commit to be a better version of me day by day.
  3. I commit to keep my relationship with my family faithfully. I really miss my mom, dad, sister, and brother. My brother just said that he misses me and my sister because we’re far away from home. I commit to maintain my communication with them, although my sister seems so late-response nowadays :/ I commit to pray for them every morning before going to work.
  4. I commit to use my money well. I commit not to buy things I don’t need, or things that are not my priorities, or those so not important make-up and skincare thingy. I commit to stick to what I have today, enough with that, and use it well. I commit not to feed my desire to buy this and that.
  5. I commit to keep me eating healthy food. I commit not to eat mie instan in any form of that anymore. I commit not to eat any MSG-ful chips again. I commit to lessen my consumption of fabric-produced food/drink. I commit to eat red-rice and vegetables more, and lessen my consumption of meat. BUT AYAM PENYET KANTIN BUMIPUTERA ENAK BANGET TONGSENGNYA JUGA TERUS AKU HARUS APA. Crying.
  6. I commit to keep any updates I make remain posted. I commit to stop deleting updates because my friends keep asking me why I delete this and that and they begin to guess the reasons, meanwhile the truest thing is: I just love deleting old posts. It’s like sweeping your house or cleaning your bedroom. Just want to tidying up some stuff, I say. But nobody accepts that and keeps saying that I delete posts because I’m afraid of being stalked. I thought about it once, but that’s not why I delete posts. Err, am I unusual or what.
  7. I commit to be a reminder of my own happiness as well. Because no one would do that more intentionally than you, yourself. Life is hard, yet you have to get ready and happy.

I think that’s all I could say to accomplish this last challenge. I have started to feel how hard it is to stay committed to what I have wrote above, but let’s try and stay.

Special thanks to:

My fingers, eyes, and brain, you have worked hard, dudes.

My laptop and WordPress application on my phone. 

You, who accidentally or not, come to this page.

To make it easier, you can check bit.ly/30DaysWritingChallenge to read the entire challenge from day-1 to 30.

I am sorry if I have been too funny and you couldn’t resist that. Hehe.

Thank you!

Day 28: My Ten Year Old Self Thought

Wait a minute.

When I was ten years old, I was a fifth grade elementary student, and suddenly this thought comes up:

are_you_smarter_than_a_5th_grader_2015_logo

*why didn’t they make this kind of TV show when I was a fifth grader back then? I would join them, I guess. 

Ok, so let me have a major throwback to those good old moments when I was ten.

————————–moments of silence————————–

That was when a newcomer entered my classroom and suddenly became so famous. She moved to our school from a reputable school in town and like what I’d been suggested, she was smart. I thought her as a threat. I‘m starting to hate the old me lol. I never really liked her. She was too white, too tall, too beautiful, and too…smart. I thought I had to fight twice harder than before to maintain my first parallel rank in my school. I shouldn’t let her win.

I also thought about how to make my class win the annual cleanest classroom contest which held by our school. I was a lone ranger in cleaning my class that finally made it win the prize. Sighly happy.

Hm, I can’t remember precisely anymore of what the ten-year-old me thoughts are. Nah, I am already yawning because it’s boring and also hard to make such a far flashback. So I’ll stop right here.

Thank you for reading!

Day 27: Must Reads

Hi, readers!

*trying to be contextual with the title

Today I am going to share you any books I really love. My indicator of today’s list is ‘how hard I forget it’ because I have a kind of short-term memory, so when I can remember the content pretty well until now, it has to be a really good book, and of course, I love it.

As usual, I will list them from number 1 to 7. They have various genres and types.

Here you go:

  1. Where Rainbows End, Cecilia Ahern, 2004.
  2. The Fault in Our Stars, John Green, 2012.
  3. Predictably Irrational, Dan Ariely, 2008.
  4. Sacred Search, Gary Thomas, 2013.
  5. Critical Eleven, Ika Natassa, 2015.
  6. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone, J. K. Rowling, 2001.
  7. Leading Character, Dan B. Allender, 2008.

Have you read them?

Day 26: How To

Today’s challenge makes me think hard of what I should write. Anyway I’d just received a call from someone unknown and he asked me where I live now. I was annoyed because it’s not the first time he did it. I blocked his number and I felt relieved.

Can it be my answer to today’s “how to” challenge in dealing with strangers? Hehe.

Hm, ok.

My emotion goes upside down recently due to the office pressure.

I am bad at handling order from someone (in my experience) I consider disrespectful. 

My inner ego will spontaneously reject it. I feel like, “who are you to ask me do this and that, with your kind of attitude?” I always think like this and I know it’s a sign of arrogance.

I struggle with this every day, every morning when I prepare going to work, or every night when I rethink what I have done the entire day. The result is quite the same, no significance difference. I am still stuck.

So today’s challenge will be my real-time thoughts on how to handle order from “disrespectful” people in your office.

First, throw that “disrespectful” title from him/her. You can’t just consider someone respectful/not by your limited experience with them. Moreover, you are no better than them. I also remember that instead of being motivated by selfish ambition or vanity, each of us should, in humility, be moved to treat one another as more important than ourselves. How could we treat others as more important than us, while we think they’re disrespectful? It won’t work. Humility, in this fact, is trained.

Second, receive that order because you know you are going to show how God’s child works; you are going to honor God through that order. But when you are asked to do this and that, criticizing is still important. You have to know any details of that order, what they ask to do, why it should be given to you, when you have to finish it, where to find the data to accomplish it, and how you and them will work hand-in-hand to do it. Don’t just receive it and say you’ll do that. Don’t just nod your head and let irresponsible people eat blind salary. -_-

In any kind of possibility, be ‘sober’ so you can change what is wrong there. You know what I mean, right?

Third, after receiving that order, be responsible to your own work. Finish it with the (very) best you could do because you know your Master has given you talents and you are responsible to work on them.

Fourth, a praying employee is the most satisfied employee, no matter how the situation is. Praying reminds us to keep humble and grateful. So, you will be able to do those three how-to.

Day 25: I Wanted to Make Sure

I wanted to make sure that I would graduate in 3,5 years from law faculty.

I wanted to make sure that I would never get a “C” score at any subject.

I wanted to make sure that I would always get 3,5 or above in every semester.

I wanted to make sure that I would get that cum-laude title.

But then God called me to do something precious in my campus and it costed me much time in which I failed to manage. It wasn’t God’s fault, it was definitely mine. I had to let go that big desire to finish my degree in 3,5 years. I got C+ in two subjects and it broke my heart. I got below 3,5 in my fourth and fifth semester.

Thank God, I am still a cum-laude graduate.

But honestly, in my very genuine opinion, I learned so many things when I answer to that calling. I don’t regret anything despite every tiredness, heart-broken, even those things I failed to make sure.

The most beautiful thing I learned, I just need to be sure in my faith to Jesus Christ. Full stop.